The biggest BURNS of 2012

By Raghavan,

The year end is the time to recollect and relive the most remarkable things to happen in the year. This year was remarkable in many ways - great comebacks, some amazing feats, Messi (okay, he's included in amazing feats), surprise stories by dark horses, remarkable victories and the lot. Here we take a look at something else. The top 10 biggest burns, trolls or whatever you would call it, to happen in this remarkable year in football.

10. Robin van Persie ill-wishers: RvP being last season's top scorer was one of the very few things Arsenal had to cheer about. Cold water flooded those when RvP told in explicit terms he does not want to see out his remaining one year in the contract. Juventus and the Manchester clubs enquired about him. Fans might have tolerated a move to the Turin giants but their ridiculous fee of 8m was spat at, rightfully. Of the remaining two clubs, a move to neither was worse than the other. RvP became a red devil and chants of traitor etc followed. Also doing the rounds were predictions that injury-prone RvP will suffer a breakdown and that Sir Alex Ferguson had lost his mojo in spending 22m for a fragile striker. But at the year end, with 14 goals for the season for RvP and most of it directly contributing to United's 7 point lead at the top, all the ill-wishes ring hollow.

9. Euro 2012 Final: Actually more of a pitiable story than a burn. But it was the final of the 2nd biggest International football competition. The losing team, Italy had actually surpassed a lot of expectations in beating the likes of England and Germany in the knockout stages and were, contrary to standard, playing some pleasing football. And perhaps did themselves no good as they raised expectations. Reality hit in the final, which ended as a no-contest with holders Spain running to a 4-0 victory and Italy supposedly suffering fatigue with their players not used to playing an attractive brand suddenly having played it over successive matches, coupled with higher average age. A complete drubbing of a final makes #9 on the burns list of 2012.

   

8. Torres wins golden boot at Euros: Well yes, the now famous 'Trolles' surprised many with that prize. He started only 3 matches in all and made 2 more late sub appearances in the Euro. Scored three and assisted one to equal Mario Gomez's tally, but won the prize on account of playing lesser minutes. Given his utterly dismal 18 months at his club Chelsea, Torres delivered a good burn to all that laughed at him. Well, atleast a temporary burn!

7. Mancini eats his words: It was before the start of the year that Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini reportedly said Carlos Tevez will never play for the club again following the latter's refusal to put a sub appearance in the CL group stage match vs Bayern Munich. Two months into 2012, 10 points and one place in the table down the drain later, the previous season's hero Tevez was in the thick of the action again in a desperate attempt by Mancini to turn things around and Tevez's contributions began to show including a sublime setup for Nasri in a tight game against Chelsea. Man City turned it around in the end, just about,  but whether it would have happened without Tevez we really don't know. But Mancini did eat his own words when he heaped praise on Tevez as 'a new signing' after results improved.

6. England Euro squad selection: They are probably the most mocked English footballers in the premier league. Whether it is because the overall quality of the English crop is just so bad or England manager Roy Hodgson wanted to 'make-it-up' to Liverpool, Stewart Downing, Andy Carroll and Jordon Henderson were called up. Of them Carroll can be excused as an automatic pick to have a physical threat in the penalty box and his hold up playing abilities outside it, but the other two picks (Henderson came as a replacement for Frank Lampard) baffled one and all. Need more? Gary Cahill got injured and instead of Rio Ferdinand, whose omission in the first place was baffling enough, in came Martin Kelly.

5. Bayern Munich always 2nd, and Arjen Robben: So near yet so far. For Bayern Munich in 3 competitions in 2012. To start with they let go of a lead at the top of the bundesliga before the start of the year, let it widen at the start of the year and finished 2nd in the bundesliga. They reached the DFB Pokal final and lost it to the team that pipped them to the bundesliga title with Arjen Robben missing a penalty. Before that they overcame the force of Real Madrid in the semi-finals of the Uefa Champions League, Robben scoring a penalty in this fixture (both normal time and shootout). In the final they met a Chelsea team riding largely on a few bravehearts and on a big chunk of hope and luck. Bayern dominated huge swathes of the game, wasted truck-loads of scoring chances and scored a late winner (?). Nope. What they did is they take off the goal scorer and then concede an equaliser even later. They win a penalty in extra time. Robben steps up and his tame shot is saved. It's the shootout again, they go 3-1 in it at one point and misses from the 4th and 5th takers made it a 3-4 defeat in the penalties (Robben doesn't feature in the shootout). And it was not helped by the fact that Bayern Munich was largely the team that played for Germany that lost the Euro semis. And Robben's Holland failed to open their points account in the Euro. However, it is all sunshine for Bayern so far in Bundesliga in 2012-13 season. Else they'd be #3 in this list.

4. Tottenham Hotspur: They started 2012 at third in line for auto qualification to the champions league, 5 points ahead of eventual 3rd place finishers Arsenal. They made a meal of winnable fixtures in the intervening period, possibly hampered by speculation of manager Harry Redknapp getting the England manager post. They fell to 4th just as Chelsea (more on how they make this list too later) travelled to Camp Nou for the Champions League semi-finals. Worries crept in as Chelsea progressed to the final and Spurs themselves not improving their league position. And the whole final played out like it would have given multiple heart-strokes to any Spurs fan or player who watched it. Chelsea won the CL and made the next edition despite a 6th place finish in the league while Spurs dropped to Europa league despite a 4th place finish. One heck of a burn.

  

3. Manchester City's Europe woes: Filthy rich, but half-unlucky and half-dismal. A tough grouping in last editions CL saw them drop to the Europa league. Roberto Mancini has experience in managing CL competing teams,so do most of the City squad, but claims by people that this is City's first CL and the group was tough were accepted. They crashed out of Europa too. Supposedly to concentrate on the PL, which is more rewarding. Fine enough. And luck screwed City again this season as they were 'gifted' an even tougher group. It is unfair to expect them to top a group consisting Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund and Ajax but failing to win a single game out of 6 is unacceptable for a squad of City's size and quality. This included a 3-1 thrashing at Ajax who are levels weaker than City, let alone City being a stronger team than Dortmund. Whether City prefer it that way or not, this time its a straight drop-out, no passage to Europa. Two crash outs in two seasons. For a club of City's wealth and resource, this is a massive burn.

2. Chelsea, Roberto di Matteo and Eden Hazard: 'It was all so fine', Chelsea fans would never stop wondering 'How did it go so wrong?'. After 13m signing manager Andre Villas-Boas received a burn of sorts to leave Chelsea, club hero di Matteo was handed interim charge. And with it came the same amount of luck that most clubs would enjoy in a lifetime. And bucket loads of determination and passion from club veterans as they made up for a 6th place league finish to win the FA Cup and defy all odds in one of the modern football fairy tale stories to down giants Barcelona and Bayern Munich to win the Champions League, club owner Roman Abramovich's elusive prize. Roberto did it. He was handed a two-year permanent post. Hot prospect Belgian Eden Hazard had to choose between them and the Manchesters and in his words chose to join 'the champions league winners'. A hiccup with a 4-1 thrashing in the super-cup but come October, Chelsea were handsome and high in the PL table. Then the burns started coming in...

Chelsea dropped off the top with dropped points vs United, Swansea, West Brom and Liverpool and were, for all practical purposes, knocked out of the Champions League group stage following a 3-0 defeat at Juventus in a match in which Torres was benched following uninspiring performances. Roberto, the man who delivered what Roman cherished months ago was sacked. Chelsea, all the irony in it, dropped to the Europa league after all, with some Spurs fans bemoaning they could've done better had they been in it. And Eden Hazard now plays for a team that is neither in the Champions league nor anywhere near the table top. When he could've played for a team that had both boxes checked - Manchester United.

                                          

  

No prizes for guessing the #1 burn...

1. Manchester United's 20th title 'Gone in 60 seconds': We will never see such an ending to a season will we? A beautiful encapsulation of the whole premier league season in one frantic final day. City take the lead, and go behind and stay behind till the fag end. All this while Manchester United were leading and about to inflict the cruelest of title defeats to Manchester City and fans alike. Tears were already rolling down the cheeks of Etihad stadium. Faces sober. Mancini was just manically directing everyone forward, there was just nothing else he could do. What had been blood boiling at the Etihad till 85 mins aided by hope, slowly became the pulse of a dying patient - all hope lost. But cometh the hour cometh the man ( a man who would later live up to that tag in 2012-13 many a time). Edin Dzeko! 89 minutes and he equalises. Blood boils again as hopes have been raised. Meanwhile far away, Manchester United fans are celebrating as are the players, for a draw by City is enough for them. United have completed their match and know City's would be too, very very soon. Focus shift to Sergio 'Kun' Aguero at Etihad. The rest is history, history that will never be forgotten. A title won on GD for the first time and Manchester is blue after 44 years. Far away the faces of Phil Jones, Wayne Rooney and Sir Alex Ferguson are disheveled. Simply too much for them to take and the dying pulse is theirs now. Gone in 60 seconds, literally!

What a season! City starting the year 5 points clear, then blowing it badly to go 8 points behind and then to level points (lead on GD) by the final day only to have, almost, lost it then, before redeeming back all what is theirs in the final minute of injury time. A mega miracle for Manchester City and a mega burn for Manchester United, maybe the biggest burn we will ever see in a long time in football.

   

Happy New Year Folks.

Wish you have an equally mesmerizing year of football in 2013.

Ah, this BPL season smells already!!

By Raghavan

This is no good. We are supposed to be watching football. I mean healthy action. And we want to see managers brag and boast in front of the media after victories while the losing managers serve up give crappy excuses that make us go 'Oh really?'. Don't we need action that showcases brilliance of 22 uniformed men on the field and less of play-acting and uncivilized behaviour? But just 3 months into this BPL season we have more side-stories and trash-talking and ranting than is available on episodes of RAW and Smackdown these days. And perhaps, a few would instances would topple WWE's two brands on censorship ratings (which by the way toned down vulgarity to be eligible to cover a larger age-group).

More of it has been residual evil from the previous season (from almost an year ago). Everyone saw the blurred mouth of Chelsea skip John Terry calling QP Ranger, Anton Ferdinand, a 'f****** black c***'. As in every club, Terry's club stood by him. Fair enough. But things didn't end there, did they? Then followed the 'choc-ice' reference to Ashley Cole by Anton's bro Rio, for giving a favorable testimony for Terry in court. All this happened before the summer transfer window (or during). Terry was banned by the FA for 4 games from all FA competitions. The verdict had a minor spill-over and many outside the Chelsea fold accused FA of double standards for last years 12 match ban of Scouser Luis Suarez (more of him to follow) for calling Rio's Man United team-mate Patrice Evra a 'Negrito' and Suarez's impolite refusal to shake Evra's hand before the reverse fixture earlier this year.  The mixed pot of all these occupied half the articles in all leading football news sites for the past few weeks, notably the boycott from wearing 'kick it' (racism) armbands by Rio Ferdinand (he was understandably distraught that his brother's abuser got away lightly and was critical of how serious FA is about 'kicking it') and Jason Roberts. Reports aside, every passer-by had an opinion on whether Rio was proper in sending such a message or he is being uncooperative. My opinion: Well I'm not really fond of Ferdinand, but it doesn't take much to see that he has been personally distraught by the efforts of FA in 'kicking it', and he being a black, when he says FA is not doing enough we are entitled to believe him. And it's not as if we cannot see it ourselves. The bad thing is judgmental opinions and judicial cacophony have started over-shadowing on-field news and articles.

   

Rio did shake hands with Ashley Cole before the latest match, but perhaps he was pacified by a certain meeting point with Cole after Cole called the FA a 'bunch of t***s'. Rio expressed that the actions by FA and PFA in kicking out racism were below desirable levels and didn't say anything Cole-esque. But you get my point. A 90,000 pound fine for Cole and a lot more drivel on this issue in all football sites.

And there's this man from Uruguay who's name, right now, fetches most results in Google. If racism wasn't enough we have a seasoned simulator in Suarez. Suarez's slur with Evra and the consequent handshake fiasco were pushed to the back burner with the Terry saga taking center stage. However, determined not to be left back, Suarez was back in the news with every opposing manager accusing the Liverpool forward of simulating dives and putting pressure on the referee. Some, notably SAF and Wenger, blame the malaise on foreign players, but English players are no saints either (more on that next). But Suarez certainly seems to have a problem with going down and needs some serious professional help unless he proves me wrong and bucks the trend soon. The dive against stoke was particularly embarrassing, so much so that not only did he get booked for it, he became a 'boy who cried wolf' and Robert Huth's stomp on his chest went unnoticed by the referee. A few days later a lot of brickbats were thrown at him with everyone from Laurent Koscielny to David Moyes stopping just short of labeling him a blatant cheat. His response against Everton was impressive but his celebration in the form of a dive was unwarranted. Karma caught up mildly with him when he was denied a late winning goal, wrongly ruled offside. It will take real reform if his name is to stop appearing in the news for all wrong reasons.

And this last piece takes the cake. Chelsea 2-3 Manchester United. No not what happened in the big part of the match, but at the fag end, almost right after the winning goal. To do a quick recce: Lets admit it, deliberate/paid/influenced or not, Mark Clattenburg was woeful. Say 'aye' to whatever you agree with:
1. Torres lifted his boot too high and plonked Cleverely right up in his torso. Wasn't much different to when Evans knocked out Drogba two seasons ago. My verdict: straight red. Referee view: Good
2. Rooney and Hazard vie to win the ball. Hazard beats Rooney to it, Roo sticks out a foot, Hazard un-entangles from it and makes a meal out of Roo. Roo enraged chases all the way back and clumsily hacks down Hazard, two-footed. Verdict: Straight red. Referee view: Right before his eyes.
3. Young. Oh yeah him. He was already on the list of simulators among many after his hilarious plunge last season against (Wigan or Fulham? I dunno who). Ivanovic retreating back to stop Young who was on the break. Doesn't do much at all, Ivanovic, and Young is on the ground. If he falls for that he should be tripping over every blade of grass on the field. Verdict: Yellow for diving for Young. You may think the referee was constricted to the fact that Ivanovic was the last man, but that's simply not good enough, not after you have already been pretty bad till that point.
4. And Torres' second yellow. Yes Torres deserved a red much earlier. The referee had a good view and Evans (as he himself was expecting then contrary to the rubbish he told the media later) should have been booked.
5. I forgive the linesman. One mistake is forgivable, not half a dozen.

It doesn't stop there. After the match Evans and SAF have the nerve to say Torres deserved a red because he chose to go down. Admit it, Evans, you were expecting a card yourself. And then Chicarito, who is blamed for instigating a mini riot, has the nerve to say ' we got three point...nothing else matters'. A win and all decency and humility is thrown to the winds. Much worse came from Chelsea's side, hold on! Roberto di Matteo, who till now was known to be more calm than a Tibetan monk, publicly blamed Clattenburg for the loss. But that's the least ugly of all-

Chelsea almost immediately and suspiciously accused Clattenberg of racially abusing Mikel and calling Mata a 'Spanish t***'. If one should practice what they preach, they better hold off the complaint and return it after stripping Terry off his captaincy. Defending a known culprit and blaming another simply does not hold water. It is all more hollow that a wet piece of timber log that has been eaten thorough by termites. A devious attempt to prevent Clattenburg from further officiating their matches as was done to him by Everton??

But Chelsea's crowd take the cake. If Chicarito was a d***head to go and show a 'C' (someone tell me what that means please) after scoring a goal that nothing but non-existant, the fans were much worse. What else can be made of in punching a steward and send him tumbling down. When Chelsea haters call them a 'Mafia club' this is probably what they meant. Is tolerance all but gone? Same time last season they were nowhere. Someone needs to remind them to be thankful for where they are now and not tear seats and throw coins on the field.

BPL now needs to be cleaned with bleaching powder, drainex and what all other sanitary cleaners you can think of. Till then, the German Bundesliga, where 0 added minutes are common, provides healthy respite. Perhaps that's because it's less popular and hence less coverage to scum. But I'll take it anyways.

Uefa-lona Mega Troll Thread

By Shivashankar

After targeting ManUre in my previous post, I would like to focus on the club that cheats the most, the club which dives the most, the club which uses refs to win matches and the club recognized worldwide as’ Uefalona/Barcheatlona ‘.

Football is supposed to be played with 11 players aside. There are also some variations on the number of players in the more modern forms, such as futsal and beach football (Both organized by FIFA). Apart from these, when any team plays against Barcelona, they 11 vs 11 scenario is not used. Instead its always 11 against Barcelona’s 15 (11+refs!)

Training facility – La Masia

The much famed academy of Barcelona, primarily trains young players.  More than dribbling, shooting, tackling, attacking or defending the main characteristic that defines La Masia football is none other than this – DIVE!!

More than a club

Now that we have had a look at La Masia, let us understand what Barcelona is all about.

Prior to 2004, nobody knew Barcelona. 8 years hence, now, the numbers have surged rapidly. The secret?

They won the Champions league thrice. In 2006 (Scandal agains Chelsea), 2009 (Scandal against Chelsea and AC Milan) and 2011 (Scandal at the Bernabeu)

They are more than just a club!

Philosophy – the barca way!

What is the club’s philosophy? What do they believe in?

Tikki Takka or Takka TIkki or Crap Crapi?

Barca  - Formation

Barcelona play with an attacking formation, the defence links up well with the attack, wing play and they also have wide, very wide players. Have a look!

Barca – Tridente

Real Madrid, the world best club have one of the most fearful tridente. They combined to score more than 100 goals last season.

Barcelona, meanwhile, have a tridente of their own. A tridente that every team fears. They do not score goals though, they are multifunctional – penalties, dives, offsides, sending offs!

Hand ball – Uefalona

Spot the ball. The referee is very near, yet he fails to find the infringement. What do you call this?

Sevilla had to bear the brunt this time around.

Uefalona – Absolutely.

The Catalonian Cheats – Pique

None can match this cheat when it comes to playing handball, er, is that football?

He has done it plenty of times, yet

The Catalonian Cheats – Fabremoron

This is the heights of cheating skills one gets trained when at Barcelona. After completing his move from Arsenal, Cesc is now truly a Cule!

The Catalonian Cheats – Messi

You didn’t suspect him to be in this list?

One of the foremost culprits of foul play by Uefalona is attributed to the ridiculous cheating of this man – Lionel Messhi*

Apart from rigging its system to prefer this moron for its annul player of the year awards, he seems to have an understanding with UEFA/FIFA.

Reaction comparison with CR

Many have accused CR to be arrogant, while Lionel Messhi* to be calm and pleasing.

But what is the reality?

The Catalonian Cheats – Team Award

Well, well, well. Football is a team game. So we cannot pick out an individual

Sergio Biscuits – The Mentor and the Protégé of all La Masia graduates

Quick question: How many red cards has biscuits got in career?

Answer: 2

How many red cards have been flashed on opponent’s coz of biscuits acting?

Answer: Infinity and Beyond.

Meanwhile, Sergio Busquets has signed a contract extension with Barcelona! Cheers Uefa! But where did he sign the extension?!

Does this ever happen?!

It really did happen! In the concluded champions league game against Benfica! Pinch yourself once again. Its true!

How to play

Whats the playing style of biscuits? In which part of the field does he play?

Even in the game!

Facepalm :P

Even EA sports has developed his character in the newly released version!

Biscuits – The Conclusion

What do we conclude of Biscuits?

Meanwhile, utd lost to spurs – Old Trafford

Meanwhile, at Old Trafford, Ferggie’s manure lost a home game against Spurs!

Ferggie’s reaction

What went wrong for Ferggie?!

Titto’s the boss when it comes to UEFA!

Barcheatlona are a superpower in Europe. They have rigged and won so many UCL’s. Ferggie is just a novice in comparison: P

Official UEFA Store

UEFA have a dedicated online store, which caters to different team. But obviously, their official partners remain as Barcelona, after gifting them a few CL trophies. Manure has plenty of catching up to do!

Haha – not in this life!

Mark my words, this won’t happen in your lifetime or mine!

Cheats…Eternal Cheats!

Pepe -  like a boss!

The Catalonian crowd is filled with people, who call themselves as fools…er, its cules.

This man, Kepler Lima “Pepe”, single has handedly destroyed barca and messi. So what tactics do the cules employ to express his angst against pepe? Whistle. Crap. He’ll still hits the crap out of barca!

EPIC Conclusion - Messhit!

The talking pics!!

Keep trolling the cheats!!

Header and Footer :)

The ManUre Super Troll Thread!

By Shivashankar

After watching those atrocious decisions of Halsey, ruining and demolishing Liverpool at Anfield, I was left fuming. Football, there used to be some moral and values associated with it. Those days are gone. Barcelona and Man Utd have taken the game to a new low. Buying, breeding and brooding with refs.

“Crime cannot be tolerated. Criminals thrive on the indulgence of society's understanding.”

-                              -  Henri Ducard - The Batman Begins

What a wonderful line, foretold by Chris Nolan in the Batman Begins and how apt is this?!

I dedicate this “Super Troll” thread to all football fans (especially for the Liverpool fans, as Man Uri and the refs have shamed the game).

Kick-off - Ferggie

A super troll to kick off this super thread!

How does Ferggie win his games, cups and er, red cards and penalties?!

What is ROI – Return on Investment?!

What is ‘Value for Money’?

You need not be a management graduate to be reply. Ask Ferggie!

Refs

Howard Webb, Utd’s traditional 12^th man, was not in this game, but still, how effective was his replacement, Halsey?!

Stevie G - Non Troll - Respect. 

This thread's only non troll  post.

It was an epic goal by this legend. Playing with 10 men, against 12 uts players (yes, ref included), still scored a beautiful goal.

Howard Webb

Howard Webb might have swung so so so many matches and situations in Utd’s favour. So, how does he rate his protégé? :P

Thumbs up!!

Liv’pool Vs Manure

What a bloody mistake! When Evans did a similar tackle, he went off unpunished. When Shelvey did, it was a straight red. Atrocious.

Refs contract

Man Utd does not have an efficient youth academy that. We all know that.

But they do have an academy that really has an eye for talent.

Chirs Foy. Howard Webb. The latest recruit? :P

Ferggie and ref

Ferggie again. The red card flashed to Shelvey was ridiculous. It changed the course of the game, but ref, again favoured Utd. What a dive by Valencia, and it was a foregone conclusion.

Antonio Valencia, you are a shame to his game. (Meanwhile, yes, you are a true Utd player and a team mate of Ashley Young!)

Liv'pool vs refs

It certainly was Liverpool vs Refs Utd, rather than Manchested Utd. Pity that the game was taken so low by Ferggie and his Refs.

Barca and Manure

Barca have created a monopoly. Er, not by playing the pass-pass-pass-and-bore-you-to-death football, but by buying refs, UEFA and FIFA.

Now, who is a match to them? Of course ManUre!

Refs – Howard webb and Hasley

Lol – Epic. Ferggie, why you no introduce your new signing to Webb?!

Same style, same passion and same favouritism :P and same club loyalty !

ManUre

This is atypical of Man Uri*al. Lie, cheat and steal (or rather buy refs?! :P )

And again. Quite obvious!

Liv pool vs Ref's utd

Exactly. Liverpool 1 – Halsey 2.

Man of the match

Who will you pick as the man of the match? Old Trafford faithful’s have their unanimous pick!

And that too in a special United’s Referee Jersey

Shelvey

Will he ever stop doing that?

Nope, again quoting Batman Begins, “But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.” CHEATS.

Best Debut

Oscar, Chelsea’s wonder kid had a ultimate debut. But what about united’s new recruit?!

World vs ManUre

Dooms day? December 2012? Nothing to fear about. Man Uri won’t stop buying refs and there is absolutely no reason to panic!

An Epic Conclusion– Uefalona vs Manure

The most eagerly awaited clash. Who will come out as the winner?! Who will pay more?! Who will buy more refs?!

This page is also dedicated to Dr. Sa T, co founder of this blog, who sometime back (about a decade back, or is it a zillion years?!), wrote a couple of post match analysis of ManUre :P

Keep reading Header and Footer!

And keep trolling Man Uri!